


Stronger than you think

by Agnes11



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 2, Normandy-SR2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agnes11/pseuds/Agnes11
Summary: My take on Femshep/Garrus romance starting in Mass Effect 2. This is a story of two strong, independent and confident people deciding to go beyond friendship. No inter-species awkwardness here ;) I like to think of Garrus as a tall, very attractive, confident, knowledgeable man; an excellent sniper, good engineer and a very smooth talker. That's why I think it makes sense that these two found each other - they are both excellent leaders and soldiers and we all know Commander Jane Shepard needs the best of the best in every aspect of her life.I enjoyed to read Garrus/Femshep romance stories over the years looking for something that would reflect the real Garrus and the real commander Shepard but I guess no one can be objective when it comes to mass effect - that's the beauty of this game.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. The first night

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how invested in this story I'll end up being but here's what I've got so far. Enjoy!

When the original Normandy’s team was forming up Shepard thought it’s gonna be hard to bring so many different races together and yet - as the time passed - it proved otherwise. It actually felt very natural and easy to form strong bonds with the alien individuals. And with Garrus it seemed to be surprising. All the superstitions about turians that she grew up hearing about would suggest it’s gonna be a constant struggle in order to have a cooperative professional relationship and here we are today - preparing a small army of devoted experts for a suicide mission. 

The life aboard a space vessel is not easy. You don’t have much room, no real sense of privacy and most of your ‘’free’’ time means working on one issue or another in between missions until you finally feel tired enough to fall asleep. The fact that everyone suffers in the same way makes the team bond in an unusual strain. 

Garrus is, however, very well adjusted to the harsh reality of the military life. His impressive knowledge and skill set made him a very valuable asset to Commander Shepard’s team and everyone on the Normandy was aware of that. The turian, however, is more human than one might assume. Yes, he is a dangerous enemy to have, yes he is an excellent soldier and wonderful engineer but there is much more to it. He works harder than the rest of the crew, takes more hours, always finds something extra to put his mind and hands on. The main battery - place where he would spend most of his time either calibrating the main gun or his rifles - turned into his safe, almost personal, space where he would keep a bed and all of his belongings. Sharing common area with all of the cerberus crew didn’t seem like a good idea. While most of them might be there to work for Shepard and follow her to hell and back, there were still people aboard Normandy the turian simply didn’t trust. Joker was a familiar face, Zaeed certainly didn’t lack things they had in common and showed enough distrust and disrespect towards the organisation to make a good ally material, Grunt is not much of a companion as he is a brother in arms. Dr Chakwas was to be avoided. As lovely as the doctor is - needles and unnecessary physical exams were never welcome.

There was of course one more person that probably worked even harder - the commander. 

Garrus never quite understood the relationship between them and since it started he was completely fine with knowing the facts. She’s his commander, he’s part of her team. The months and then years have past and changed everything to the point when it was no longer clear where he stood. The Alliance jurisdiction used to be black and white - it was a military ship with a military protocol to follow. Now, with the Illusive Man, Miranda and a suicide mission it started to be gray. And with grey... Garrus had no idea what to do with grey.

The tension and burden of suicide mission rose from one operation to another. While they were on the ground fighting - everything was smoother. There were enemies to shoot at, objective to complete and comrades to work alongside. On the Normandy between assignments? It was a different story. As much as he could keep his mind occupied with long working hours there was a sort of tension he couldn’t wear out by simply calibrating all night long. All the thoughts and dilemma would pile up rapidly as soon as he sat down to take a breath, have a meal or as he decided tonight - a drink. 

It was the middle of a night cycle, the engines were running quietly and lights were dimmed. Garrus didn’t have to look at the clock or schedule to know if anyone’s up - they are nowhere to be found. He felt the sweet illusion of privacy - that’s exactly why he decided not to put the upper part of his armor on while heading to the lounge. It felt like he’s done that a hundred times already and never once was interrupted, therefore he safely assumed tonight will be no different. 

Little did he know someone else had same intentions at the exact same time.

Commander Shepard just finished a work out and decided to grab a drink and relax before hitting the shower. The night lights made her feel almost invisible so she decided there’s no need to change her sports bra and shorts that otherwise would be highly inappropriate. 

Just as she entered the lounge she saw something she’s never seen before. A Turian with a bare chest that resembled a human male’s muscular structure in almost every detail except for the fact that it was of a grey colour mixed with small parts of blue that seemed to have a little glow to it in the almost completely dark room. 

\- Commander? What are you doing here? - Asked Garrus. She assumed he would sound a little distressed but that was never the case. And now the confidence and calmness in his voice combined with a very attractive look of a tall muscular man made Shepard feel a little… strange.

\- I could ask you the same, Garrus. You don’t look like you expected company. I can leave if you want some privacy.

\- Privacy on a Normandy full of cerberus people… Don’t worry Commander, I was just grabbing a drink… - he paused for few seconds until he was done pouring a green liquid into his glass - …and now I’m done. 

Jane still felt a little bit uneasy but it all went away as soon as she looked into his eyes and realised they were wandering all over her body.

\- Looking for something? - she asked provocatively.

Garrus immediately met her gaze.

\- I’m sorry. I thought it’s my turn to stare. 

The nonchalance in his cocky remark was a clear invitation - or was it? Shepard didn’t know what to make of it so she decided to focus on what she came for - alcohol.

Unfortunately the bottle was on a higher shelf and without her boots she knew there might be some problems with her reach.

Garrus saw her struggle and decided to help at once. It wasn’t a gentleman’s act. It wasn’t helping a damsel in distress and it wasn’t patronizing. It just felt friendly. And as he leaned to give her the bottle she grabbed it with both hands, slightly touching his fingers, their eyes met and they stood there for what felt like eternity and for the first time in a very long time, Shepard wasn’t sure how to react. 

Garrus leaned his head a little closer looking into her eyes and then at her lips. His body moved towards her and now they were no more than an inch apart. The tension took better of her and she inhaled loudly and held her breath. Right when she thought Garrus is going to make a move he backed away leaving commander in confusion.

\- What keeps you up, commander? - he asked as he moved further away.

\- What doesn’t… - answered Jane slightly disappointed nothing happened between them. 

Was she crazy to even think he would be interested? Was she reading him wrong? Maybe turian customs were completely different than human ones? How could she know… she never had time to think about that part of her life. It seemed like with the reaper threat and the reality of being an alliance commander there is no right time and place to fulfill those needs and even harder would be to find a right person in the first place. 

\- I hear you - said Garrus sitting down on the couch to enjoy his drink, gazing at an empty void presented through the window before him. He took a sip, sat back stretching his arms and continued - I wonder sometimes… How many people out there is unaware about the importance of what we are trying to achieve? It doesn’t really change anything if they are… But still.

\- Does that keep you up? - asked Jane while joining him on the couch. It was quite a piece of furniture but with Garrus stretched all the way, there was barely any room for her left. They sat next to each other, very close, and now in front of the window the light allowed them to better catch what they couldn’t quite see before in the dark.

Shepard knew she’s attractive, for a human woman, there was more evidence for it than she cared about. But was Garrus interested? She wasn’t going to jump into any conclusions and decided not to provoke him. If he was a man for her, he would do and say all the right things. Call it old fashioned but when it came to such an important relationship as she had with the only real friend on board the Normandy, commander was not gonna jeopardize such a precious thing on account of her curiosity. 

It seemed like Garrus has a lot of thoughts, all swarming around his head at once, not allowing him to focus on the present. And right when she was gonna say something, she instinctively placed her hand on his very muscular shoulder. It wasn’t a light touch - it was a comfort sent via strong hand resting on a friend, telling him it’s all alright.

Garrus placed his hand on top of hers, as he tried to wordlessly say: I know and thank you.

As Shepard relaxed enjoying the intimate moment of their friendship, completely forgetting about the whole galaxy, something rather unexpected happened. Garrus guided her hand to the back of his neck, moved his face closer and without any moment of hesitation he pressed his lips against hers. Jane was caught off guard and had to take few seconds to acknowledge what was happening but once she did, she was all in. She let herself be in the moment, without needless overthinking that feeds fear and anxiety. No, she was there, with a very attractive man, feeling like no one else exists at the moment and that’s all she needed to think about right now. She gave in and as soon as her mouth opened she tasted very sweet a very warm tongue pressing against hers. The shock and pleasure made her tremble a bit.

Garrus didn’t plan on this but when it came to women he acted on his feelings and desires whether it seemed like a bad idea or not. What he learnt throughout his personal experience in these kind of things is - if you’re hesitant you must not want it bad enough, therefore it’s not worth it. But with her… Oh it was worth it. Was he risking a lot? Maybe. Would their friendship recover from a failed attempt? Most likely. She was there and he wanted her so he waited and when the moment was right he went for it. Considering Jane Shepard is a tough woman in command with a lot of pressure on her, he decided it might be best if he takes the steers for a change. Shows her he’s strong enough for her, that he can hold her and carry her and she can rest in his arms and hide from the whole galaxy for a moment.

The kiss was intense and it didn’t take long for them to end up in a horizontal position with Garrus on top. Their bodies fused together and it didn’t take long for him to enjoy the human custom of kissing one another. It was a little unfamiliar but it looked like he had a natural talent for it. Once he felt like her lips might need to rest he moved onto her neck, trying to gently bite and lick her sweet silky soft skin. He moved down onto her collar bone and went to the other side. She smelled like a memory. Like a scent you memorize in the most enjoyable time of your life and then after years you remember about it once it reaches your nostrils once again. He took a deep breath trying to save that precious moment.

\- Shepard, I’m afraid I have to stop - Garrus announced moving away from her. She sat up next to him, confused.

\- Garrus if you don’t want to get involved with me I will understand.

Garrus growled in an almost unnoticeable way.

\- Believe me I want to. I just need to know what you want. And before you say anything - he paused to meet her gaze - I want you to know that I thought about it on several occasions. I sort of researched… and I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need me to be. I will always be your friend and now I want to offer you more.

She took a moment to figure out how to respond. Garrus waited and seemed like always: calm and confident.

\- Garrus I… I’d never thought you might be attracted to me.

\- Commander, give me a little break. Half of the galaxy is attracted to you - he lowered his voice - and the other half is blind.

\- Well if you put it that way - she said while placing her body over his and guiding his hands onto her hips - then I’m afraid I can’t refuse your offer.

As Garrus mentioned he researched… and judging by the knowledge about human body he presented that night - he was very thorough. After the heat of that night dropped they were left exhausted with less than 3 hours of sleep left. Sweaty and relaxed they got up to put on their clothes and poker faces. 

\- I’m gonna hit the shower, try to get some sleep - she said while putting her pants on.

\- I’d love to join you - he said stroking her neck very gently with his fingertips.

\- Garrus I...

\- Don’t worry, Shepard - assured her turian - when you leave this room you’re my commander and you don’t have to worry about me being unprofessional. We’re in this together and it’s bigger than our needs or desires. I want to be by your side, on a mission if you need me, on the battlefield and in between. 

\- I didn’t mean… - she started but he interrupted her with a kiss.

\- Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out. Or not. Either way you were on my mind since we first faced Saren. Later when we had to part our ways and Normandy blew up… Part of you was always there with me even after you were KIA. Shepard - he paused to take a deep breath and grab her hand - there’s no one in this damn galaxy I respect more. Whatever you decide to do about our situation I’m gonna be patient and I won’t judge you. I know you had to face a lot alone but I want you to know I’m here if you need to share your burdens. Our friendship goes beyond any inter-species awkwardness. I will always be there for you and I will be always happy if you’re happy.

\- Happy - she repeated with a bittersweet note - I never wonder if I’m happy to be honest. Efficient, yes. Capable, of course. Fulfilled, naturally. Qualified for the job, all the time. But happy? I guess I am happy, in a right company - she stopped to grab his chin and bring him closer for a gentle kiss. - I guess from now on - she continued - You will be on mind a lot too.

And just like that she opened the doors and looked at him one more time before they closed, nodding in acknowledgement and sort of an agreement.

As soon as she left Garrus realized how quiet it is. The gentle hum of Normandy’s engine helped him relax. He stayed a little longer staring through the window, contemplating. 

He meant every word he said and wasn’t gonna start to question everything just because of what happened. It’s been a while since he was with a woman and he was wondering if it always felt that good. If it did why didn’t he settle down? No… It was different. It felt right and he didn’t have to worry that he will leave one day. Will their romance be brief? Was it the only night they will ever spent together or one of very few? Maybe. He knew one thing. Whatever they have doesn’t fit any typical scenario, because they aren’t typical people in a typical relationship. It’s more, much more - and that is what made him feel so good. It felt special.

Time passed by and he had to head out to the main battery before the day shift crew starts to get up and prepare for another day of work. As soon as the doors slid opened Kelly Chambers appeared right before him. She was standing quite surprised with a cup of coffee in one hand and a data pad in the other. Garrus had to look confused because she asked very concerned:

\- Garrus, are you alright? - as she pointed at an almost empty bottle of liquor in his hand.

\- Of course. Why are you up? What time is it?

\- Well the crew will be up in 10 minutes. Do you want to talk about something?

\- I have to get ready for my shift. Everything’s fine, miss Chambers. Please, if you don’t mind - he asked her to move out of his way as politely as he could.

\- Not at all - she responded moving to the side observing him closely until he completely disappeared out of her sight.


	2. Restless nights

The next few days were an emotional struggle for both of them. Shepard couldn’t find anything to focus on. Sending mining probes helped until all nearby planets became depleted and there was no reasonable justification for leaving the system in which they were gonna go for a small quest anyways. They had to wait another 10 hours for the shuttle to complete calibrations and few minor repairs as the last mission didn’t go as smooth as planned. 

Jane decided to make her routine rounds and check all the inventory to keep herself busy. There’s always something to do even if there’s nothing to do when you are the commander. After all of that was done there were still 6 hours remaining. As she headed out to the command center deck she bumped into Yeomen Chambers. Always ready to report one issue or another of no significance at all. As she approached the personal terminal there it was:

\- Commander, there are few messages on your private terminal and…

\- I know, Kelly, I’m checking them right now - answered Shepard without letting her see how annoyed she was.

\- There’s something else, Commander, it’s about Garrus. - as soon as his name popped out of this boring conversation Jane’s emotions shifted and her heart rate slightly increased. She closed the terminal and took miss Chambers to the side.

\- What is it? - asked commander giving her full attention crossing her arms on the chest. She didn’t mean to be hostile but certainly didn’t want anyone to read her true feelings. 

\- The other week I saw him at the lounge… Exposed. 

\- Exposed? Kelly, don’t waste my time - although she had plenty to waste - tell me exactly what you saw and what are your concerns. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is.

\- Well, he wasn’t wearing anything from his waist up. It was very early in the morning…

\- Maybe he needed a place to work out alone? - she suggested the obvious. Hoping Kelly will drop it.

\- He was carrying a bottle of liquor with him, commander and looked very tired, like he stayed up whole night. He already works a lot of hours, barely sleeps and…

\- Wait. How do you know that? He told you? 

\- My job is to monitor the crew, commander.

\- You mean you use surveillance for it? - asked Shepard clearly showing she doesn’t approve of such a method.

\- No, of course not. I have EDI report to me anything unusual. It’s just data reports, no live streaming views or conversations are being recorded. I am not invading anyone’s privacy if that’s your concern - she tried to paint a picture of how she handles the crew.

\- Good. So he barely sleeps. I’m not sleeping all that much myself. What seems to be the problem?

\- It looks like something is bothering him, ma’am. I might not have a strong argument to support my point but you can tell he’s under a lot of stress, can’t you?

\- Kelly… He’s a soldier. He can handle a rocket punch in the face, he can handle few sleepless nights.

\- I talked to Mordin to look for a professional guidance - Chamber’s wasn’t gonna let it go. - He shared some interesting input on how the turians handle stressful situations. We both agreed that Garrus might need to socialize. 

She did not just say that. Socialize in order to release tension? 

\- Kelly, if you’re implying what I think you are you should mind your own business. If Garrus or any crew member in that matter needs to… socialize, they can do so. As long as it won’t affect their performance. 

\- I understand, commander. Forgive me if I was out of line. I want the crew to be at their best and wanted to help. 

\- Understood - replied Shepard and started to walk away. While she was waiting for the elevator Yeomen added:

\- Besides he’s such an attractive man I’m sure he will easily find what he needs.

There was something in her voice that suggested she’s trying to make a joke about it but was she? He is attractive. Jane thought about the first time she met him, how tall he was, how respectful. All the way fully professional, never once disappointed her. Saved her and her crew’s lives more than she could count. Calm and confident, always. He is attractive - she thought once again and a storm of warm feelings went throughout her body. Shepard went to her cabin, tried to work on her data pad to keep her mind busy. Garrus every now and then made a brief appearance in her thoughts. She threw the device on the floor. Crossed her arms and legs and took a deep breath looking at the ceiling. She needed a moment and decided to go down and work on her sniper rifle alongside Jacob. Gunnery was a quiet, clean and never crowded place full of all kinds of weapons - which meant a perfect place to meditate. 

\- Commander - greeted her Taylor.

\- Jacob - she returned the courtesy. 

She didn’t even look at him hoping to avoid any forced small talk. She took all of her weapons out and started to initiate standard check on all of them with via omnitool. Jacob approached her from behind and tried to start a conversation:

\- Commander, I checked all guns at the beginning of my shift… I’m sure everything’s fine.

\- I need to calibrate my scope. It was off on our last mission, almost cost me… well, we all know what’s at stake - she explained.

\- You know, there’s a lot of time left before the shuttle will be fully operational. You might want to just rest and relax before we hit the next target - he lowered his voice and tried to get a little bit closer.

\- You’re right - she answered detaching the scope from her sniper rifle and heading to the exit. 

Jacob had a great spirit as a person that once believed in big ideals until he met the reality of the cruel world we live in. He was skeptical and honest which was a nice combination but there was only one goddamn expert on this ship if you wanted anything calibrated and it certainly wasn’t him. Without further thinking she headed to the main battery.

Garrus was trying his best to stay awake while focusing on the main gun’s maintenance when he heard the door open.

\- Shepard, you need me for something? - he asked sincerely. 

She closed the door behind her and send a command via her omnitool.

\- EDI what’s the ETA on the shuttle?

\- 4 hours, commander - answered synthetic voice.

\- Good. Lock the main battery doors, no one gets in without my approval. Do not report mine and officer Vakarian’s whereabouts to anyone. 

\- Roger that.

\- Well, commander. I’m intrigued - said the turian taking a step forward.

\- I thought on this side of the door I could stop being your commander - she paraphrased the words he used after they spent a night together.

\- Shepard, I must admit I’m pretty tired right now - he quickly picked her up letting her legs wrap around his waist and gently pushed her against the locked door - but I always have time for you.

She chuckled. He was one smooth talker. She placed her hands around his neck and tried to read his facial expressions. It was hard, given his alien look, but not impossible. They spent enough time together for her to be able to notice certain signs. Usually of anger or joy related to the situations they would find themselves in on the battlefield.

\- What are you thinking? - she asked slightly brushing her nose against his.

\- I’m thinking… I very much like how light you are.

\- I am not… - as soon as she wanted to deny it he grabbed her with one arm and started to move up and down pretending it’s a nice warm up prior to the real workout with some nice heavy weight.

\- Alright put me down, you totally ruined it - she said tiny bit offended but also amused. It was hard to resist his charm, now that she knew there were options for both of them on the table. 

He put her closer with one arm and used his other hand to stroke her cheek.

\- When was the last time you slept, Garrus?

\- I don’t know. Some hours ago. Why?

\- There are people… concerned about you - She tried to ease him in.

\- Chambers talked to you? - he asked, hitting the question jackpot. How did he know? 

Garrus turned around and acted very annoyed.

\- She saw me that night… after we spent some time together, you remember that night, right? - He teased her.

\- How could I forget - she gave his ego exactly what it craved for.

\- Anyways, after that she approached me on several occasions… She said something about helping to release some tension? I thought maybe you told her about that night?

As she heard that last part shock hit her harder than expected.

\- Garrus, you think I told anyone about what we did? Specifically you think I told Kelly out of all cerberus people?

He seemed to enjoy her little defensive speech.

\- No, of course not. I’m just not used to having humans attracted to me - he started a charade. Shepard knew what’s coming so she just shook her head looking at the floor. 

\- I mean really. She was trying to offer me a massage, which frankly wouldn’t be such a bad idea. What is it with women on this ship, Shepard?

\- Are you done, mister attractive? - she asked annoyed. - Here Shepard threw the sniper scope at him - calibrate something for a change.

\- Do I sense jealousy? Is great commander Shepard… Jealous? - He managed to annoy her even more. So she opened her omnitool and started to unlock the doors.

He grabbed her as quickly as he could to prevent her from leaving. There was a little time they could enjoy together and she deserved more joy than he provided so far. 

\- Garrus, I told you. You ruined it.

\- Well - he said while trying to unfold his military bed still holding her in his arms. Once that was done he placed her on it gently and grabbed some blankets - I’m sorry.

Last time they got this close it was all about showing her how skilled he is, make sure she’s comfortable with his touch and discovering what she likes him to do. This time he felt like he needs to prove how gentle he can be. It all was happening very slowly and they both appreciated each other’s company. 

Once they were finished, Shepard embraced the warmth of Garrus’s body and let herself completely relax in his arms.

\- Garrus, why do you sleep so little lately? - she asked but there was no answer. Instead she heard him breathe heavily as he drifted off into deep well-deserved sleep.


	3. Taking over

Commander Shepard’s job is one of the hardest ones - the kind of job you can tell is difficult from the outside but you can never know unless you’re on the inside. We all think we can imagine the burden carried by our everyday’s heroes: the doctors, the soldiers, the leaders. But the truth is we don’t know how it feels and how tough they have to be to put on a smile for the world to see and maybe shed a tear or two when the doors close. So no one knew and that was for the better.

Shepard’s ability to hold emotions in a tight grip at all times was admirable. Maybe that’s exactly why people around were willing to follow her far and beyond? She offered full support and expected cooperation in return. They could see her career progress over the years and they could see her in front of the cameras, in negotiation with people of high power and influence, on the battlefield and in command of a whole spacecraft’s crew. Always professional, always honest and most importantly - truly wanting to get the job done. 

Omega-4 relay was a big unknown and the whole uncertainty about the collectors-reapers collaboration made it even more intimidating… terrifying? 

Whatever lies ahead, Commander Shepard and her crew must be well prepared and then prepare even more until they are all ready, if one can ever be, for such a challenge.

Garrus made rounds of his own which seemed unusual but at times necessary. There was always some technical advise he could use from all the engineers and soldiers aboard the Normandy. He ended up heading down to the starboard cargo hold. Zaeed Massani’s quarters seemed remote and spacious enough to have an informal conversation, away from the cerberus ears. They’ve just come back from a mission in Faia System on planet Zorya few hours ago and the situation got pretty intense at the end. Garrus could relate to his disappointment - he had his own vendetta awaiting in the near future and wanted an insight from someone with an emotional involvement. Massani’s experience as a mercenary was truly impressive but official story is never a full story and Garrus enjoyed finding out the untold.

\- Commander? - asked Zaeed with his head buried in a cargo crate, evidently searching for something.

\- I’m afraid I’m here to disappoint - answered deep vibrating voice.

Massani stood up to face his guest. Looked a bit surprised but the feeling evaporated after few seconds.

\- You know you might be the only turian I talked to and never shot dead after? - he joked in his usual way. - What does Archangel want from an old merc like me?

\- Vido - answered the turian accommodating himself against one of the crates with arms crossed on his chest.

In a response he heard a sigh and had to wait for the following a little bit more.

\- Yeah… everything looks nice on paper but down on the ground shit gets serious. - he paused to meet Garrus’s gaze - Not everything goes as planned, kid. 

It looked like there will be no further explanation on the subject but mercenary decided to continue:

\- I will get the son of a bitch. It will happen, I tell you that. Not many man survive betrayal, Vakarian.

Garrus looked at his feet as he gave Massani’s reasoning some thought.

\- Will that bring you peace? Once he’s gone?

\- Peace? - scoffed Zaeed. - It has never been about peace. Vido’s a slithery slug, he will crawl out from whatever whole he run away to and once he does I will be right there waiting to pull the trigger. People like you and me never fight for peace. We go out and hunt for justice because no one will ever bring us any in this nasty hell hole of a galaxy. Soldiers live and die in pain, Garrus. I hope you know that.

\- You’re ok with the way things went down then? - he was honestly curious.

\- Not really but in my occupation we know the deal is a deal and I will deliver my part.

\- I thought for a moment, down there, that you’re gonna quit.

\- It crossed my mind - answered Massani. - That commander is something, isn’t she? If a woman is half as dangerous as her reputation suggests I wouldn’t wanna have target on my back. It’s new to me - the team work, I mean. But I’ll be there. Yes, we will be there, Jessie - he said in a dreamy nostalgic tone while picking up his rifle with admiration.

\- I’ll leave you two alone then - ended the conversation Garrus as he got up to head out.

\- Oh and Vakarian - added Zaeed as the turian stopped for a moment. - The woman’s a fire. And fire burns, my friend.

And the door closed.

He didn’t flinch hearing him say that. He started to wonder if it’s obvious for the rest of the crew that Shepard means more to him than his commanding officer. He didn’t care that much. It was cerberus crew but for a brief moment a strange thought crossed his mind - what would the old crew say? Would they do this in different circumstances? Will Shepard go back to following fraternisation protocol once all is done and they go back to their old ways? He shook his head as he approached the elevator. He came down on deck 4, hoping to get some answers and as a result he’s coming back with even more questions. It was taking a long time so he put both of his hands against the wall in a hallway, like he does a lot in a shower, he leaned his head down and took a deep breath staring at the floor as if the answers could be laid out at his feet.

Suddenly, he heard the door slide open on the port cargo hold side and instinctively turned his head in that direction.

\- Garrus? - Shepard asked surprised - What are you doing here?

\- Venting. You? - he returned the question.

\- Commanding - she said as if that was a thing a commander wound do. - Did you get some sleep recently?

Now he shifted position to face her front to front. 

\- My shift is far from over. Why would I sleep when I have work to do? - he definitely was offended and didn't appreciate her concerns.

\- You know, the crew’s fully capable to fulfill your duties while you rest? I can assign some engineers to the main battery if you want… - she said looking through her omnitool data.

\- No! - he said rather too loudly. - I mean, don’t - he used normal tone this time. - Please. I don’t want anyone there. It’s my space. 

The elevator finally arrived.

\- Garrus, I’m worried about you - she said with full honesty.

\- Don’t. You have enough to worry about - he said trying to end this pointless exchange of words. 

While he tried to act cold and distant even if she was able to read his current emotional state, Shepard decided to completely ignore it and as soon the the doors closed she made sure to navigate them straight to captain’s cabin and grabbed the front collar part of his armor to kiss him. 

He didn’t return her affection right away, so she placed one hand at the back of his neck and put some pressure on it to bring him even closer.

\- I will not take a ‘’no’’, Garrus - she explained her intention is not to let him go and do whatever it was he wanted to do.

\- Wouldn’t that be acting without my consent, commander? - He teased her with a smirk on his face.

\- Well are you saying ‘’no’’ to me?

He growled subtly as a sign of giving up and finally returned the kiss. 

As they entered her cabin, clothes and armor where thrown onto the floor piece by piece. It was Garrus’s first time up here but he couldn’t care less to even look around. He’s focus and eyes were fully occupied by one and only one object. 

Jane never before would have thought she’ll be able to risk such a bold move. Garrus was always on her mind in some capacity, sometimes fully, other times just in the back of her head. As their involvement progressed, it was harder for her to concentrate. She knew at some point she will have to show him how much he means to her even though there was nothing to be proven between those two. There are two people in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or some sort of romance, both sides need to show affection, both have to give and both need to receive. There’s no sincerity or integrity if one feeds off another, selfishly.

The time has come when it was her job to take care of him, even if he wasn’t aware it was mostly the other way around.

\- I was thinking about you - she said as she pushed him down onto the bed.

\- Oh? - he pursued her thought - And what exactly was that about?

She placed herself comfortably on top of him pressing hands against his chest.

\- How about I show you? - she teased him moving her hips gently.

He figured out exactly where this was going so he put hands behind his head, took a deep breath and said:

\- I have a feeling I will enjoy it - he gave her a very slow and hungry look up and down and finished the sentence - a lot.

She wasn’t gentle at all and the flexibility she presented was more than impressive. Even though Garrus was tempted more than once to try to gain some kind of control of what was happening, she pushed him back to his place each time and eventually, he give in. I might get burnt - he thought - but, oh Spirits, was it worth it.

Time has passed and the physical pleasure came to an end as they began to prepare to get some rest.

\- You’re staying here - she said breathing heavily. 

\- I guess you’re not gonna take a ‘’no’’? - he asked and as the thought of sleeping on a big soft bed in wonderful company entered his mind, his body felt heavy and he let himself close eyes just for a little while. - If this is how you’re gonna go about it then I’m perfectly fine with the fact that you worry about me, Shepard.

She chuckled and turn on the side to stroke his cheek and examine his face - he was tired. The scars on the side looked fresh and painful. She frowned in concern as she gently touched his jaw.

\- Jane - she whispered.

\- What? 

\- You can call me Jane - she repeated.

\- Jane...

\- Hm?

\- You're a fire.

\- What?

And as she sat there expecting an answer or at least a grunt, he started to breathe deeper and deeper until he was fully asleep.

She felt sudden warmth spreading throughout her entire body as happiness hit her hard. This moment felt like a reward when her loved one finally found some rest. 

Well, a loved one?


	4. Can you ever care too much?

\- That’s Jack? - she heard Garrus saying surprised with a slight dose of distrust.

There was no time to waste. They had to move now and move fast. Zaeed was clearly enjoying the chaotic aspect of their mission which was fighting their way out through a prison riot while on a man hunt and Garrus certainly didn’t lack enthusiasm about it either. While they worked through increasing waves of prisoners, guards and heavy mecs Shepard couldn’t help to notice it feels almost too easy with these two.

Her shields were down and a turian approaching from around the corner with a shotgun became a real threat. She tried to change cover but rounds of bullets coming from nearly all directions flew above her head and one grazed her shoulder. The immense pain and burning sensation from that would just added up to the pile of problems. As she bunkered down trying to apply medigel, still waiting for her shields to recover, enemy appeared right in front of her as she found herself on the wrong side of the barrel. Shepard had to make a choice: either try to outmaneuver her opponent and engage hand to hand combat which was the worst option considering the cross fire she’s in but also the only thing she could do to avoid a shotgun blast from up close or she could try…

\- One less to worry about! - commander heard Garrus over their squad’s comm channel as the life threatening situation resolved by simply putting a bullet through that turian's head. Impressive shot.

After that she was saved - and you can’t use any other word to describe it - in similar occurrences at least two times more. It was a team effort of course, everyone had everyone’s back, they put themselves in risky positions knowing the other one is protecting their flank. With Garrus whoever, she didn’t have to use any signals and barely any commands in combat. He knew the drill even though you can’t practice enough to be ready for such situations, Vakarian always seemed to be prepared. Zaeed’s style was much different - more spontaneous, at times hesitant and often dirty. With Garrus? It looked like well orchestrated performance - clean and almost surgical.

\- This ship is going down in flames, Jack. I’m offering you to take you with me and I’m ASKING for your help.

It didn’t take long to convince the convict to cooperate. I guess when your only other option is to die…

\- Why the hell are we standing here? - asked tattooed woman agreeing to join Normandy’s crew.

\- Move out.

On their way back to the ship Jane felt very weak, her heart rate increased and legs seemed to be made out of concrete. 

\- Hell of a shooting range, right? - commented Massani with arrogance as they approach decontamination process. 

Instead of responding she called Miranda on their emergency channel.

\- Lawson, make sure our new crew member gets accommodated properly. You have the deck.

Garrus gave her a concerned look.

\- Commander, you look pale - noticed Zaeed. - Is everything ok?

As he asked she started to look even worse.

\- Garrus... - she mumbled using all the strength she had left to try and ask for help giving him an empty look and without any warning started to fall. Naturally, they managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

\- Shepard? Can you hear me?

No response.

\- Out of the way! Out of the goddamn way! - shouted Zaeed as they rushed to medbay.

Dr Chakwas was going through some charts but as soon as she saw Garrus going through the door with Shepard in his arms she already had an assessment and emergency care plan running through her brain.

\- How bad is it? - Asked Garrus.

\- I don’t know. I need to examine her and do some scans - she said checking her breath and pulse after which she added: The armor must be removed first - and even though it wasn’t a suggestion for him to lend a hand he instantly started to detach all parts. 

The circumstances didn’t give Karen much room for extra thoughts but she did notice it didn’t look like his first time.

As he removed left arm plate it occured to both of them that the source of their troubles has been found - Shepard’s whole arm and partially forearm were covered in bright red liquid.

\- Artery - whispered Chakwas - I need you gone.

\- But…

\- Immediately! - She shouted and reached out for surgical arm, a scanner and few other tools. As she put on all of her personal protection gear she gave him one last glance assuring that she meant it.

A mix of distilled water, antiseptic and blood spilled into a drain as the door closed and lock turned red. 

Feeling helpless is probably the most agonising moments you can find yourself in. If the goal is to reach the extremes of your physical ability - climb a mountain, stay awake for three days and nights, keep running through a desert with no water and in full equipment weighing you down until you find help - you can work through it, one step at a time or one batarian at a time with there's hundreds of them wanting you dead. Or perhaps one gang member at a time if they came to your hideout with a simple task to kill you. If there's a whole army of enemies between you and exit you can make your way out. But if the person you were meant to protect is undergoing surgery in a restricted area while you’re stuck on the other side and all that is left for you to do is wait, you can lose your mind... or temper.

And he did. Garrus started with subtle verbal aggression towards cerberus crew hanging out just outside the medbay. Then went on to get physical and threw few punches here and there. Broke one chair which isn’t that easy considering everything’s magnetically attached to the floor. It didn’t take long for Miranda to head out to help the Doctor. 

\- Mr. Vakarian, are you done damaging the ship? - she asked arrogantly as she headed out. - She’ll be fine. I didn’t work two years rebuilding her so she could go down with a scratch - added Lawson not even turning her head to face Garrus.

He growled silently forming a fist and taking a deep breath through clenched teeth. The little show he put on was enough to keep everyone away from him. He brought his sniper rifle to the mess to clean it while waiting impatiently. The need for violence decreased with every part of weaponry detached, cleaned pedantically and attached back on. Hours passed and the doors finally slid opened. 

Dr. Chakwas came out in a lab suit covered in red marks. Lines of a purple colour formed on her face after wearing goggles and a mask confirmed the procedure took quite a while.

\- She lost a lot of blood and the shot caused a lot of internal damage, very unfortunate location. Nothing she hasn't faced before - she assured him with a pat on a shoulder. 

The compassion he read from Doctor's face felt sincere enough to put him at ease.

\- Can I see her? - he asked as it was all he could think about.

\- Soon. We need to let her recover from general anesthesia. You’re welcome to stay by the bedside till she wakes up of course, I know how hard it is to look at a dear friend like that, Garrus.

The only decent response he could force himself to present was to grunt in acknowledgment and squeeze out nearly soundless ‘’Thank you, doctor.’’

Eventually, he managed to calm down entirely while being able to stare at Shepard in the most peaceful state he’s ever had a chance to see. 

\- How long have I been out? - she asked in a voice that suggested clear need of a glass of water.

Their eyes locked for a little while but no tension was to be found in their gaze.

\- Few hours. 

\- Surgery, huh? - she said more stating a fact than asking. Shepard looked at the fluids attached to the i.v. pole next to her bed. Few transparent ones, two of a dark red colour.

\- Well, that ought to make me feel better - commented commander as she closed her eyes and smiled.

\- Shepard… Jane… - he lowered his voice not used to using her first name like that, yet - Are you alright?

\- Of course I am - she answered and yawned. - You know how many times have I woken up like this? 

\- Way too many, I assume - joked Garrus as he felt huge weight disappearing from his shoulders.


End file.
